Marrying at an early age - whose terms should we abide to?

I may be late in posting and commenting on this, but R. Nadeswaran or Citizen Nades' article Correcting bad press overseas in yesterday's theSun and Sun2Surf prompted me to give my 2 cents worth.

I know my opinion is not going to be a popular one, but everyone's entitled to theirs, so just read what I have to say first, then you can disagree later.

I have already penned my piece on KARTIKA Sari Dewi Shukarno's case in my earlier post:

Of Denial and Blurred Vision

and gave my POV why she should be left alone. 

In this entry I would also like to advise others to leave Siti Maryam Mahmod and her husband alone and not go to town on the choice of lifestyle she chose.

In Citizen Nades article, Nadeswaran wrote....Associated Press put out this report on its wires, prompting even the Washington Post to pick it up: "A 14-year-old girl and 23-year-old man have celebrated their recent marriage in public in Malaysia’s largest city." The report said the union was arranged by their parents after obtaining permission from an Islamic court. "It has been hard trying to juggle two roles – as a student and a wife – but I am taking it in my stride," the report quoted the bride, Siti Maryam Mahmod, who studies at a religious school, as saying.

Curious as to how the foreign media treats a 'damning' report like that, I did a Yahoo! search: Malaysian girl 14 celebrates wedding in public, and it generated 381000 results. Amazing! almost every news agency with an online portal around the world carried that news report, as if poking fun at us.

But what is there to be amazed at actually? 

This story is about a couple/lovebirds who believe they are mature enough to tie the knot and have sex legally and then have kids on their own and thus being responsible for each other. What I find strange is why are stories about under-aged couples who have sex illegally, outside the sanctity of marriage, or eloped themselves and get into trouble by abandoning their love-child did not get honorary mention as great as this one? 

In Sunday's mStar Online: Usia Bukan Penghalang Untuk Kahwin - Siti Maryam, Siti Maryam Mahmod has made a clear statement that the marriage is her and their personal choice and that she is ready with the commitment of being a wife.

But being a matured women despite her age, she said the public is free to comment or judge on this marriage, as she has no power over what others want to say about it. She accepts it as it is. But the important thing is that she believe they are not doing any sin.

She said, there is no compulsion in this marriage, and that she is not being compelled into adulthood. As long as the marriage has the blessings of both parents and that it was her husband who proposed it first, all else does not matter.

She denied the fact that as an under-aged girl her right to grow, study and developing her self-potential were denied when she is 'forced' to be an adult by this marriage.

“Dalam perkahwinan tiada paksaan dan tiada isu saya dipaksa untuk menjadi dewasa. Dia (suami) melamar saya dan perkahwinan kami direstui oleh kedua-dua keluarga...itu yang penting,” katanya yang menolak dakwaan yang mengatakan hak gadis bawah umur untuk membesar, belajar dan mengembang potensi diri telah dinafikan apabila ‘dipaksa menjadi dewasa’ menerusi perkahwinan.

In NST's Marriage is not child's play, the news article poked fun at the issue, referring to the many comments in twitter, the microblogging site. One commenter said: "At least the 14-year-old girl married a man. In Australia, a man married his 5-year-old pet dog." He forgot to mention that in Taiwan, a woman married herself recently.

Minister in the Prime Minister's Department Datuk Seri Jamil Khir Baharom said the marriage was perfectly legitimate as it had obtained the consent of the syariah court. The court in this case would have had its reasons for granting consent. Perhaps she was mature for her age. After all, some of our great-grandparents got married at that age, or even younger.

the real pic of the ceremony taken from cikgudahlia.com

The NST journalist searched for the girl and managed to pick her out from the crush of identically-attired women. But the writer failed to acknowledge that the girl must have looked more than a child, but very much a mature woman.

Nonetheless, the writer had a cheek to pose this: Those who still don't think it's condemnable should just ask themselves this -- would they allow it if it were their own child?

Let me (a father with 4 daughters, with the eldest already married at the age of 23, to which I wished she had married earlier) answer that: a big YES...and do you have a problem with that?

I guess those who still think marriage at a young age are depriving these girls who mature at an early age should consider this reasoning seriously.

I know many would say if you really care of your children, no parents would want their child to be involved in pre-marital sex, but if you deprive them from having sex legally, i.e by not marrying them off when it is due, is that not depriving them of their choice of growing up, studying and developing their self-potential in life?

So many people talk about fundamental rights of this and that. Some would even go to great length to argue about The Fundamental Right To Marry As Applied To Same-sex And Plural Marriage.

But when a couple wants to get married with the blessings of their parents and the permission of the legal system of the country, but just because the number of the age of the bride is not of their liking, they go and kick a fuss and want to impose others to accept their terms or code of living conduct.

Tell me who is compelling who to accept their way of life?

So stop complaining and go get a life.

Related article: Saya izinkan mereka berkahwin - kata ibu pengantin