How to defend yourself without sounding defensive?

When was the last time you were accused of laying back on your work or responsibilities (but you believed you did not) and you couldn't control your anger and resorted to verbally abuse your attacker either directly on indirectly?

Hmmm... sounds like most of us do have that tendency to some extent - especially when the accuser resorts to brickbat us with derogatory words or insults!

So, what do you expect? give them back a piece of their own medicine!

But how can we defend ourselves without being defensive? Do you think we can defend ourselves for what ever matter, without resorting to hitting back at the accusation or appellant?

Morey Stettner thinks so and wrote a very interesting piece: Defend Yourself Without Sounding Defensive: Responding To Verbal Attacks With Authority And Grace.

Stettner wrote: Still, for most of us, it's tough to resist the urge. Getting defensive is instinctive. What to do? It's not only possible to defend yourself without sounding defensive, it's imperative with Corporate America's current focus on teamwork. Instead of instantly asserting your innocence or contradicting what you hear, it's better to try communicating in a less antagonistic way. The trick is to listen, ask questions and control your emotions.

Read the whole article here.

Stettner also quoted Beverly Potter, author of From Conflict to Cooperation, How to Mediate a Dispute. She wrote: "The more you defend yourself, the more attacks you'll invite. A vicious cycle sets in because the attacker thinks you aren't listening. And it's true. The very act of defending involves telling others that they're wrong and you're right."

You can read the review here.

From my own personal experience this is what I want to say - I'd rather kick the moron's butt then hear him/her rant and rave pointlessly and finally nail him/her with this question: "Do you want to finish our time finding fault or do you want to solve the problem, isn't it what we are here for in the first place?" And usually it ended well, with everyone agreeing to reconcile and patch things up rather than waste our precious time in a wild-goose chase pointing fingers.

But before you start meddling with the idea to kick someone's butt by sniping your accuser with the mantra, look first whose butt you're kicking..he..he.. or you'll end up as a dish-washer machine for the rest of your life!

Wallah..!

Well, I would like to end this message with the expression - its best or better if you stand for something for if you don't you'll fall for anything. It carries a powerful message that drives home the point of having convictions and the integrity and strength of character to stick by them and then stand up for them.

Somebody, somewhere said Abe Lincoln (or was it Mark Twain) wrote that, and to me it has all the gist and essence for building one's own will and courage to excel in life rather than wait for someone else make the decision for us.