Why Men want Sex and Women need Love?

I am a very slow reader.

I tend to stall when reading, especially serious articles.

Each time I read a paragraph of a book or news article, I would try to reflect the meaning of the sentences with my inner self and the people around me. Then I would ponder endlessly.

Last night I had only finished chapter 2 from the book "Why Men want Sex and Women need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction", bought about 2 weeks ago.

My daughter Nurul, 13 years (first former) had finished reading her thick romance novel, bought on the same day.

When she saw I was still struggling reading the book last night, she laughed at me.

"Ayah tak habis baca lagi buku tu...hee..hee..., Nur dah habis baca buku novel tebal tu...!" she boasted happily.

"Nah ambil baca buku ni pulak...!" I offered her.

"Tak reti lah, buku omputih..." she replied.

The mum who was then just listening, defended me.

"Buku yang ayah baca tu kena analyse, bukan baca saja macam buku cerita...!" she quipped.

And this was what gave me the idea to write this entry, which was earlier titled "The slow reader's analysis on "WMWS&WNL".

A few days ago, my wife also laughed at the choice of books I usually read. The other book I was reading before I got hold of this one was "Dating the Divorce Man" by Christie Hartman, Ph.D.

Of course, the mum, like the daughter, are ardent fan of romance novels, which fit the proverb like mother, like daughter (the female equivalent of like father, like son). Read about my other posting on her reading habits and other stuff in my other blog here.

Unfazed of all the reactions about my reading habits, I continued reading the last part of chapter 2 and pondered endlessly.

Allow me to share some of it here with you readers.

The authors, Allan & Barbara Pease summarised chapter 2 by emphasizing that relationships are now more difficult to start and harder to keep as compared to past generations. Our expectations of each other are at unprecedented levels, yet being in love and being loved are still as vital to humans for good health and survival as they ever were. Studies show that married people live longer, with lower mortality rates for almost every disease, than single, separated, widowed or divorced people.

However, the most revealing part on this chapter may be on the relationship part, where men are expected to be softhearted and feminine in some situations, while being bold and masculine in others. Women, on the other hand are expected to be self supporting and technically savvy, just like men.

I quote: "Unrealistic expectations are a significant contributor to relationship breakups. Women are exposed to hundreds of images of the 'new man' in phony romantic situations involving supposedly 'macho men' who think, talk and react like women. These men have chiseled bodies, expensive clothing, hairy chest and neatly trimmed beards and are eager to listen to women talk about relationships and their lives. These images are reinforced in women's magazine, which make a woman feel that she must be the only one who isn't married to a hunky guy like the ones in The Young and the Restless. Consequently, studies reveal that women who spend their time reading romance novels based on fantasy never feel happy with their lives, although studies also found that they usually have more orgasms than non-readers."

The writers then went on to describe the expectations of men in the early 60's with John Wayne and Cary Grant as their idols and compare them with their counterpart of the new generation. Since the 70's, with the emergence of feminized women society, women's expectations of men and relationships have changed.

I quote: "The bar for what women expect from men is raised almost annually by the media and Hollywood, to the point where many men have simply given up trying. Women are expected to live up with the images of the perfect starlets on the cover of women's magazines, but it's even tougher for men, because at least women's magazine show you what you're supposed to look like -- men's magazine don't. The new perfect male for the 21st century should be a warrior in the workplace; a metro-sexual marvel when it comes to clothes, cooking and decoration; a stud in the bedroom; a six-pack god in the gym; a perfect dad; a friend who loves listening to women talk about their problems; and a sensitive guy who cries when he watches Beaches and Romeo and Juliet. Unfortunately for most women, this type of man usually has a boyfriend."

These unrealistic expectations that are constantly being thrust at us have somewhat affected dating and marital relationship to a level unseen or unheard of before.

Yes, many among us would agree that Hollywood and the media have played a significant role in determining how we think and react to what we want, own or desire. These images have been pumped into our heads for two generations and have resulted in men and women to take drastic actions to be the perfect macho "Marlboro Man" or the perfect "Sex Goddess" as presented on screen.

The line between reality and fantasy has become blurred, so blurred that we expect our partners to be like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. Although at times we believe that all these are fake images, pretend romances and artificial glamour, yet we expect our partners to emulate these images in real life.

But before long, or as long as the disillusion may set in, that both men and women would finally realized that their partner are in reality just a normal human being. No more Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie by our side. Just the ordinary Pakwe and Makwe or Paknya and Maknya.

Until or unless the relationship has soured to a serious extent, then we have to face with the reality that it has finally come to a point where we have to decide whether to mend it or leave it behind to only gather memories.