When the children from the northern states used the words "hang" and "aku" to converse with their parents/elders, putting them on the same level with their friends, this is exceedingly rude, bordering on offensive behaviour.
Last weekend was especially trying for both IM and me, physically and mentally.
We were bogged down with office work, he worked on both days while I spent the whole of Saturday poring over multiple choice questions and essays, almost puking...! On top of that, we had some relatives who came to visit. So you could imagine what sort of a weekend that was.
Amidst my being so engrossed with work, I couldn't help but noticed that IM was involved in a chronic, recurrent problem which usually was not worthy of my attention. Ignorance is a blessing, wouldn't you agree? Anyway, IM was always so capable.
On Sunday afternoon I was bothered with an overrated text message which I had ignored. Similarly, IM had unceremoniously ignored all the irritating messages sent to him too.
Until Monday morning, the messages came in persistently. When I asked him, and received some muffled answers, I took it upon myself to open the message inbox myself. These are what I found (word for word):
"Htr duit blnja mkn hbs dh, fham x!.nk mkn pn xdak duit dah ni!dh htang kt kwn smpai 150 xbyr2 pn lg ni!!semua ayh pya psal.."
IM ignored the messages because it was only on Saturday (two days ago) that he had sent her RM100, and a few days earlier RM70. But the RM100 on Saturday was certainly insufficient for her, for she said she had to pay for the house rent that she shared among her friends.
But IM knew better of her schemes, which is why he seldom entertains all her whims and fancies, especially with regards to the amount of living expenses she demanded.
Nonetheless, IM replied with a short answer to her last request.."Duit elaun (kan) ada..!", meaning she also had monthly allowances from the college amounting to RM260 a month, for which she can use it, apart from the money that her father sent her every week (twice a week in some cases).
Aroused with the simple reply, she threatened her father with an angry reply : "Ayh jgn bgi smpai (her name) buat psai blh x...(her name) dk bjar elok2 ni stg jd benda len!!! Klu ayh suruh guna duit 2 boleh. (her name) nak kerta viva skrg jgk!! Mampus la pi nk jd apa.tgk la (her name) wt apa!
Unfazed with her tyrannical act, IM replied: "Dh msk RM50..", which wasn't deposited yet as we were just getting into our car to go to work.
She got really angry this time and answered back with: "INGAT AQ MKAN MAKANAN SAMPAH KA"
After a lapse of a few minutes and IM still on his 'ignorant" mode, she became agitated and continued with the tyranny, and this time using words no parents can ever imagine their children could ever use on them:
"BABI LA HG NI. KT K(our maid's name) BG MTO BRU. HAMPA MKAN SEDAP2. P MELANCONG SINI SNA. P SHOPPING. NAK BG ANAK MKN PN XDAK DUIT. BG 50 HANG INGAT AQ MKN SAMPAH KA? HANG TGK JA AQ BUAT APA TAU..!!"
OMG! In the next instant I was enveloped by so much anger, I was nearly explosive! But IM was so calm about it. I wonder if I was the only person who was over-reacting. If I had received those kind of abusiveness from my own flesh and blood, I would certainly knee-jerked on it.
Those vicious and nasty words, I couldn't imagine came out of a child to her own father. A father, whom she had forgotten that without him, she would not have been here on this world, a father who had lovingly nurtured, fed, and clothed her, who had sent her to school to be educated, provided her a roof to stay under, to be safe and who had anxiously embraced and sought treatment when she was sick, attended to her until she was healed.
That was what IM to her, and even more. Surely he did not deserve these, when again she peppered her father with more abusive words:
"BABI AKU MINTA DUIT ELOK2 HANG XBAGI KN.MEMANG HANG SKA AKU CAKAP KURANG AJAR."
A few minutes later again another message came in, but this time without the caps (capital letters):
"Hg ni mmg mcm sial ckp.aq tau dh hg.bodoh."
Another lapse of a few seconds, another one came in:
"Aku benci hang seumur hdup aq!!hang mati pn aku xmau p tgk tau"
At this point IM relented, and as we reached the bank IM replied her: "Dh msk rm100 utk 10hari"
Unsatisfied with the amount, she replied: "Aq nak 1mgu rm150.mcm dlu.!!"
I cried in my heart after looking at IM, as he looked physically tired of this episode, because of all the bottled up emotions. I reminded myself that we had to check our emotions and "take control over things that are within our control".
This brought on my search on the net over the subject. During my training as a physician, I recognized this erratic behaviour as a characteristic belonging to a psychiatric disorder, so I conducted further search that revealed this:
“Personality disorders, formerly referred to as character disorders, are a class of personality types and behaviors that the American Psychiatric Association (APA) defines as "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
Personality disorder is not an illness you catch or are born with, but is a “way of being” you develop while growing up. It means some aspects of your personality cause repeated problems in life - particularly with relationships. The troubled relationships can be with family and friends, work and care services – and frequently with all of them”.
My take on the subject- Growing up with a mentally unstable mother, with erratic behavior and labile everyday life judgment have probably done a lot of damage? As a result, an individual with personality disorder have a poor adaptation to crisis and thus unable to sustain a relationship with the people in his/her environment. They do not have the ability to reach out to people, which is difficult when they have the idea that everybody else owes them something, and because to have everything they ask for is their priviledge, and not something they have to earn.
I read further on the subject here; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder
and more description on the characteristics which fall under this classification here:
it's that or borderline personality disorder which I read at:
It comforted me to a degree that I could compartmentalize a problem. A strategy where you tackle a portion of a bigger problem at your will, in your own time and capacity. Sometimes, when you do it that way some problems might go away on its own, after all, time is a great healer.
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