WordsAplenty on Muslim Divorce

I have reproduced here two articles by a blogger by the nick of WordsAplenty, although you might not wholly agree with the contents.

WordsAplenty is an American blogger who likes to write about Islam in the families.com website.

Based on some of the comments I found on the website, the writer is a woman (married), and her thoughts are a worthy read/mention here.

Divorce in Islam

by WordsAplenty

Many people are surprised to learn that divorce is allowed in Islam. After all, Islam is so strict and rigid in many ways, why would divorce be allowed?

Marriage is Allah's gift to mankind. It offers peace and security, physical pleasure and children. Marriage is meant to nurture the soul. While no one is happy all the time, marriage in general should bring happiness and fulfillment to both parties.

Marriage is the center of the family, and also its thermometer. When the marriage is strong, the family flourishes. When it is weak, however, the entire family suffers.
Allah, in His infinite, wisdom, recognized that some people would be ill-suited for one another. Rather than force them to live together in a farce of a marriage, divorce is allowed.

However, divorce is not something to be taken lightly; it is to be used as a last resort. In fact, getting a divorce without a valid reason is considered a sin. In a hadith reported by Abu Dawud, Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) said, "Among lawful things, divorce is most hated by Allah."

What are Valid Reasons?

Although the phrase "irreconcilable differences" is overused in our culture, those are the only differences that would necessitate a divorce. If there is hope of reconciliation, you must seek that first. Divorce should not even be considered until all positive avenues have been explored. Only problems that cause such anger, bitterness, and hatred that marriage becomes impossible should lead to divorce.

Obviously, that could vary from person to person and marriage to marriage. Clearly, though, petty differences or boredom are not legitimate grounds. Most marriages do have moments of boredom, where the spark has gone. That is just motivation to spice things up! Running away and destroying a family will not solve that problem.

Infidelity, on the other hand, could definitely be a breaking point for many people, although many couples have managed to survive an affair. Abuse of any kind is certainly cause for divorce, unless the abuser enters a treatment program and fully repents.

Refusal of one spouse to fulfill his or her marital duties could be a legitimate cause for divorce. For example, if a husband refuses to work and support the family, the wife would be justified in seeking a divorce if all efforts to change his mind have failed. Likewise, a wife who refuses to share the marital bed could likely find herself divorced, barring medical problems.

In all cases, marital harmony should be attempted. If all efforts have been made to restore happiness and peace, then you may seek divorce.


Marriage in Trouble? Seek Help

by WordsAplenty

We recently discussed that, although allowed, divorce is to be avoided whenever possible. Still, it is a fact of life that marriages do hit roadblocks, some big and some small. Maybe your wife spends too much money; maybe your husband spends too much time with his friends. Maybe he isn't affectionate enough, maybe she's too needy. Or maybe, the problems are more serious: infidelity, drug or alcohol use, mental or physical abuse. What's a Muslim family to do?

In traditional Muslim countries, the couple would sit down with the elders of the family. The husband, the wife, a representative from her family, and a representative of his would all sit down together and discuss the issue. Everyone would have one goal: to save the family. The elders, ideally, would be able to see the situation in an unbiased manner, suggesting solutions that may have escaped the couple.

In a traditional Muslim family, the entire family stands behind the couple. The whole group feels personally invested in the marriage and strives to save it at all costs. While this might feel stifling or intrusive at times, it can be a real blessing in times of trouble.

Here in the west, that support system is usually absent. Many of us are completely without family here. For those of us who do have family, the family was often opposed to the marriage in the first place! How could we possibly turn to them for marital advice? Besides, families here usually do not step in to solve the problems between a husband and a wife. Once we get married, we're on our own.

That is why the Muslim community here needs to rethink their position on marriage counselors and therapists in general. Many Muslims are adamantly opposed to interference from outsiders, choosing to keep private things private. Many will even say things like, "Where I come from, we don't air our dirty laundry." Where they come from, you don't need to air your dirty laundry.

Life is different here. The challenges are greater and the support is few. Given a choice between losing a marriage and losing a level of privacy, I vote for giving up some privacy!