When men fall in love with another, it is not 'cheating' - Suzana Ghazali

If you think all women think the same way like their peers, then you are wrong. This woman consultant psychologist does not ‘genderalise’ all women and men as the same.

Suzana Ghazali, normally seen on Astro TV as a guest who speaks about family and relationships, claims herself (or at least the newspaper where she usually writes to, refers her as) a perunding psikologi keluarga ~ family consultant psychologist, as displayed below her name in her column in Kosmo!.

She also writes for Majalah Mingguan Wanita and has several blogs, one of which is Bina Bahagia Bersama Suzana Ghazali

Now how did she get to use those credentials or titles ~ family consultant psychologist and syariah lawyer? What qualification does she have apart from having a Syariah Law Degree from UM.

In one website MDolUnited: it says apart from the Syariah Law degree, Suzana also holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology ~ Sarjana Psikologi (Kaunseling)from UKM (National University of Malaysia).

Now does that qualify her to be a consultant psychologist or can she claim herself to be an expert in family psychology?

In reference to a page in a website - About.com which says: Psychologists receive graduate training in psychology and pursue either a Ph.D or Psy.D in clinical or counseling psychology, which typically take five to seven years to complete. The title of "psychologist" can only be used by an individual who has completed the above education, training, and state licensure (applies in the US).

For e.g. if you look at the credentials of a counseling resource column/blog/website: Ask The Psychologist and Welcome to the Ask The Psychologist, the consultant psychologist resource personnel are clinical psychologists with a qualification of either a PhD or a PsyD.

Now at this juncture, you readers would want to ask, why all of a sudden am I wired about wanting to know if she is qualified or not? She has a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology, is that not good enough to be a family consultant psychologist?

Okay, maybe in Malaysia we do recognize that, as she also has lots of experience handling cases of the kind when she was a syariah lawyer.

Now here comes the catch ~ if you consider Suzana Ghazali, the newspaper/magazine columnist, a counselor and motivator, a TV personality as an expert in her work and causes, then you can approve (or recognize) that anything that comes out from her mouth (or her written statement) as valid and is reflective/represents what most women in this country thinks about family relationship and the man-woman correlation as true, then read on.

This is what she has written in her latest column in Kosmo! 16.07.2010 (click pic above to read the whole article)

Sejauh mana curangnya pasangan? Sekadar berkawan? Bercinta? Atau dah bersama di tempat tidur? Bagi suami/lelaki, kalau sekadar berkawan atau bercinta; bagi saya masih belum boleh dikatakan curang.

Berbeza dengan isteri/wanita; syarak mengharamkan isteri menyimpan rasa suka apatah lagi rasa cinta kepada lelaki selain suami. Jika isteri bercinta dengan lelaki lain; isteri ini boleh dikategorikan sebagai curang; tak kira apa pun sebabnya termasuk kegagalan suami menunaikan tanggungjawab.

My simple translation: How (or to what extent) do you consider your partner has cheated on you? Is it just befriending another or being in love? Does your partner make love in bed with another person? For a man/husband, if he is just befriending or is in love with someone else, THEN TO ME IT IS NOT CHEATING (committing infidelity).

This is different with a wife/woman; Islamic law (syarak) prohibits a woman to have any feelings towards another man, apart from her husband. If a wife falls in love with another man; she is considered (or can be categorized as) cheating (committing infidelity); without any excuse, regardless of whether her husband had neglected his duties (on her).

Feminists reading this cue might want to go to town brandishing their guns blazing with fiery words found inside or outside the lexicon, if the statement was uttered by a man (personality).

Now all of a sudden, a woman family consultant psychologist says it is not (considered cheating), if a man/husband does that as compared with the same if done by a woman/wife.

Now you people reading this are probably thinking that I am goading and inviting you to come out and defend her. Yes, in a way, if you think she has a position to defend the statement. Naturally, as a man, I say this is something we have to shout about!

But any right thinking person (regardless of gender) would say that this statement is unfair, discriminative and distasteful especially with respect to women? And that the point she raised is irreverent, utterly insensitive or she probably does not have clue what she is talking (or writing) about.

But quite the opposite, maybe she does have a reason. She is talking or referring to syariah law, where men are allowed to remarry another, even if the wife is still around and well (not sick).

But does the law apply (in this case) if the actions of men/husbands (when they fall in love with another) are made known (intentionally or otherwise) to their wives and that it hurts their feeling like crazy?

Are matters of the heart not valid in Islam?

These are the contemporary questions that should be answered well with regards to Islamic teachings. But the answers I believe can only be found deep inside the hearts of modern Islamic scholars and writers.

Allah knows best.