I am a firm believer in utilizing questionnaires in giving answers to an academic question, especially in social studies.
Academic questionnaires with regard to social and communication studies are an important tool to gauge in answering a hypothesis. Among others, questionnaires regarding a person's view, opinion and perception, are crucial in giving a general idea for researchers in gathering answers on social wants, needs and reservations.
In all my student and working life I had no problem answering other people's question about myself or being honest to whatever written questionnaires laid down before me. But of course, all answers about 'ourselves' are given only when it is due. Normally, people don't 'open up' unnecessarily.
And as it is, I am also a firm believer that one day all of us will be required to answer and be honest to 'ourselves' and others in front of our Creator.
So it happens today when I was back from my lunch break, I was interrupted with a 'knock' on my door.
A student I knew from the last 2 semesters, and whom I thought would have gone out on a job-hunt or already working in some fancy PR or advertising company walks into the room. She asked me whether I would like to answer some questionnaires for her project, to which I answered, "okay, but it depends..".
She didn't wait for me to finish and went on to her second question.. that she wanted to know if I had been married for 20 years or more, and without thinking clearly I answered 'yes'. She said this project is about finding something about the husband and wife relationship and then she shoved me the questionnaires she had in her hand.
Of course I was a bit surprised as I wasn't actually briefed what the project is all about, but since I knew her and that she trusted my ability to complete them so my question to her next was when she wanted to collect them. She was still thinking until I interrupted her.."would tomorrow be fine?" to which she retorted, "okay..!"
Feeling a bit inquisitive, I asked her what makes she thinks I am old enough to be married over 20 years. Well, I guess she didn't want to make me to feel 'insulted' by saying I look old enough, so she said.."...because some people get married at an early age...that's why..."
Still in my inquisitive mood, I asked her at what age would it be considered okay to get married, to which she gave me a blank look. So I followed the question with "...for you-lah?". She answered, "30 would be okay for me..."
She is a Chinese girl, so I would have expected it.
In my opinion, a Malay girl, depending on her job (or financial) security, looks and self confidence, would normally get married as early as 22 and the most 28. Go above that number, and the implications would be bad for herself (and her family) as it would set people's tongue wagging about whether she is still 'laku' or not.
Societal (or the community she is brought up in) expectations are high in a Malay family set-up. If you are not married or engaged in a certain age bracket, then you better be prepared for the worst. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor.
Celebrities are no exception.
Look at what happened in the case of the actress Zizie Ezette. She is a beautiful woman, and was only 31 years old and she is worried about not being married or in love with someone. In the end, the desperation got caught up and she ended marrying another woman's husband. Now, the problem is just starting to unfold.
There is also this 'gender biased' or chauvinist joke among us men... that when a women who has reached the 'required age' and still not married and considered 'andartu' or 'tak laku', we would call them 'expired' or 'tamat tempoh sah laku'.
But I digress (I always do).
Actually I wanted to share with you guys about the questionnaires, which is about the study on RELATIONAL COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES AMONG LONG-LASTING MARRIED COUPLES: LEARNING FROM THE BEST.
Ha..ha..ha....(LOL) I had a good laugh with the last phrase: LEARNING FROM THE BEST.
Since I have agreed to answer the questionnaires, does it make me THE BEST and that others want to make me an example and be LEARNING FROM me? What an ironic title for a study?
Well, at this point, this is what I have to say: while I believe it is good that we learn from people who have had a successful marriage, I do not believe that any long lasting marriage can be taken for an example for anyone to consider it as good or the best, what more learn from them.
For all I know a long lasting marriage can last long enough (and even till death) due to many factors which include children, financial security, family and societal expectations, fear of being lonely, fear of not knowing what is not in store for them in the future and much more.
So, what is it that makes them think a long lasting marriage is good? In my earlier marriage I stayed on for 21 years trying to make things work. But for that long, the marriage still doesn't seem to work. What do you think I should do, wait another 20 years and see if it could work?
Nope, what I did was I threw in the towel and said baby, 'hasta la vista', see you in another life.
And so it happens I retired my old life and met with another life, which seems to be working quite well. So, right now I am not regretting a bit about leaving the old life. What has happened, happens.
But I should have said, "why hadn't I threw in the towel earlier? If I had, I would not have wasted 20 years trying to work on something not worth the trouble." But then, my aqidah and my believe in qada' and qadar saved me from uttering those 'evil' words for I knew there is no 'ifs' in Allah's book in determining our destiny in life. What He has laid down for us in his book is what is the best for us, both here and in the hereafter.
Okay, enough about the 'opening up' part. I thought I wanted to show you an example of the questions in this questionnaires that we should be LEARNING FROM, but on second thought I think I'd rather take a further look at it and scritunize more before I make a decision.
Till then, hasta la vista!
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