Is marriage just about gathering and spending resources?

Yes... I would simply put it that way if the enquirer wants a direct and instant answer.

But marriage is about life as a whole, and life does not necessarily is (or have to be) that simple.

Yes, money can ease us many of the financial burdens that life can often throw our way. But money can also be the source of all the problems in the world, which would then turn against us and burden us for life.

The Malaysian Insider yesterday (16 June) posted Dina Zaman's highly opinionated piece What are we teaching our young women? which prompted me to write this entry.

It tells about the grumbles (complaints rather) of her (Dina's) male friends' perception on how young women of today would prefer to assess their partners finances and “potential” before moving on to richer men.

On a personal account, I have come across women who are from this category. She wanted to know what I do for a living first before giving any commitments for a date with her. I was just asking if I can date her as we are varsity friends doing assignments together. She is single and so was I and that time. I did answer her query but find it disgusting and decided that she was not worth the trouble.

The fact that women would choose to tag on wealthy men and prefer to 'goyang kaki' rather than toil to their own goals in life by gathering their own resources is a no-brainer. They are just plain lazy. Why should women do all the hard work if they can offer men what they have, and men in turn can give them what they want -- they would argue.


But I have to agree with Dina's statement implying that "Women (and some men) marrying for wealth and status is not something new. It is as old as the oldest profession: sex work. Some feminists will argue that marriage can be considered legalised prostitution."

Of course, there are instances of gold-diggers or the 'pisau cukur' type out there. They are the ones waiting for the right opportunity or prey on rich men to become their target. Once they get what they are there for, they are gone, and most time without a 'trace' or admission that they had done so because of 'it'. But women of this category would rather not admit that they are the type.

Who on earth would not get angry if somebody else imply that you are that typical bitch? Well, unless you are the lowly type or the 'disordered' who would stoop to admit that you are one, it is beyond me -- feminist, first or second wave whatnot.

Nonetheless, while I agree that there are many instances of women who are the mercenary type, i.e. those who marry for wealth and status, all women are not alike. Some are just sincere in wanting to find and share their life with Mr Right, and if the Mr Right happens to be rich, then it's a bonus. Otherwise, they would just have to work harder by themselves to get what they want in life.

Yes, women would prefer to be with men who they perceived are a potential life partner, i.e. the financially responsible breadwinner, more so when they (women) themselves would one day think about quitting their job due to circumstances that may come their way. So it is very important that the men they marry is trustworthy and responsible, meaning these men must be the person they love and trust 'till death do us part'.

But not all men are trustworthy and responsible and not all men can hold on to the 'promises' to their death bed. This is especially true to men who has very strong potential and ability to gather resources more than what ordinary men can do. These men carry with them a baggage of philosophical deficiency that confines to an attitude which caters to his own needs or affairs rather than about others or the family.

So what's the fuss all about.

Apparently most women are not that particularly concerned about whether their chosen partner should have some listed criteria to be categorized as viable or less viable as a 'potential' husband. So long as they think these men share the same values and attitude in life as they do, then it's okay with them.

But, there are exceptions when people in poor Asian countries like the Philippines, Myanmar and Vietnam where the women would 'sell' themselves to marry rich western men, regardless of whether they are compatible or in 'love' with their prospective 'husbands', young or old. This is a matter of survival.

These women would believe that this is a better choice (marrying rich western men), rather than stay in their own land making themselves susceptible marrying young but immature and irresponsible brats. Young uneducated men in less developed nations tend to put everything behind the moment they lay their eyes or opportunity on other younger and beautiful women.

But all this freedom of rich foreign men marrying young Asian women in their own land arbitrarily is to stop soon.

In Indonesia, for example the government is proposing that foreign men who wants to wed Indonesian women should pay a 'security guarantee' of US$55,000 (RM181,500) before they can do so. But this is just a 'deposit' so as not to simply allow foreign men to come and 'conquer' a women to their fancy and 'discard' them when no longer needed. If the couple divorce, the wife will be entitled for the money.

The couple could however keep the money as 'shared property' if they can stay married for at least 10 years. But this proposal requires foreign men wishing to marry Muslim women only -- it will not apply to couples of other religion.

Not a bad bargain, don't you think!

Well, come to think of it Dina Zaman is right about her closing statement: "It is sad, though, that a person’s marital worth is based on his potential, and financial status. At the end, a young man is just a piggy bank."

I would like to add: Gold-diggers or the ordinary women out on a "Mr. Right" looking spree, sincere or otherwise, would not only lay their eyes on young men with a piggy bank, but any potential men who has the right resources they want out of a marriage, young or old.

Men would offer what the women want and vice-versa. In other words, the women would provide their services and the men just pay. Just like what the 'feminist' put it -- legalised prostitution.

So to put things into another perspective -- 'marriage' is just a 'contract' or another business transaction.

So, what's the 'big deal' when both parties or one of it decided to 'legally' end the contract? Just end the contract and part our own ways? Yes...no..., life would be a comfort if it's so.

No, the BIG DEAL comes into the picture when both or the other party tend to disagree on the disbursement (on their supposed shared property) due to the contract ending, which in the first place was a poorly written and an unfairly balanced one. So, the bad thing about a 'marriage contract' boils down to a bad breaking-up-to-do post divorce agreement, don't you think?

Then, let's-play-the-blame-game and sue each other rather than solve it... it sure makes everyone in the family happy...No?

So, what does all this tells us what life is all about?

Life is about gathering resources and spending them. But would it be fair that while your partner is sweating like shit trying to gather all the resources for you and the family, you are complaining about not getting enough. And you would rather sit down 'goyang kaki' by not working while you 'perabih duit laki aku' just because you think 'why shouldn't you?'

To the women of this philosophical belief I just have this to say: Good luck to you till hell freezes over.

Yes, marriage is also about gathering resources (and spending them). But REAL marriage is different because it is about sharing and caring. Many modern women, educated or the less educated go to work to gather and share their resources with their husbands for the family. This is the ideal thing to do especially when the husband is the one who is less resourceful in the family.

But the problem starts when some women believe on the affirmation or mantra that "my money is my money, and your money is my money". They would rather split hairs rather than giving in their share of the resource to the family. Or they would give in and then bicker over it.

So, to all the couples and couples-wannabees, good luck to you and your marriage however 'heavenly happy' or 'to hell and back' life you are having right now and in the future.